Yesterday my brother told me that he and his girlfriend were getting married. I said “That’s great! Being married will give you both something to do while you’re living together.”

Of course, this happy moment was not the time to comment on her cooking skills. I mean, she’s the only person I know who needs Toast Helper. The last time I had a dinner that she prepared, convinced me that she must run everything through a flavor extractor.

So, the only advise I could give him was to say “Listen, on the day of the wedding, when you’re leaving the church and they start throwing the rice, don’t forget to open your mouth. Because that just might be the last good meal you ever get.”