Texting of acronyms/abbreviations can be confusing; particularly if one is misinformed as to the meaning of standard texting acronyms. Imagine how embarrassed mom was in her misuse of the acronym LOL, as evidenced recently by the following sequence of texts:

(Mom)   2 let u no that great Aunt Sally died today. LOL, Mom

(Son)       Mom, how is Aunt Sally’s death funny?

(Mom)   It’s not funny. Y do U ask?

(Son)      LOL means laugh out loud.

(Mom)   Not lots of love?  OMG- which means Oh my God, right? Gotta  go. Resending corrected text on Aunt Sally’s passing.  Mom 🙁

Guess what mom? You’re not the only clueless person out there who thought LOL meant lots of love.

When I was explaining this acronym blunder and text exchange noted above to another party, she thought LOL meant lots of love too. Go figure.

This lead me to wonder, is there a definitive source for texting definitions and leetspeak, spelled !337$p34k? You bet! It’s entitled, NetLingo: The List – The Largest List of Text & Chat Acronyms. I must acknowledge that I am illitexterate; a word I just created, meaning texting illiterate. How is that possible in this day and age? ‘Cause I own a “dumb” as opposed to smart phone. Do not, however, confuse dumb as to the intellect of the owner of the dumb phone even though I’m- I mean she’s- blonde.

The NetLingo guidebook is to texting what foreign language translation dictionaries were back in the day.

This book is a must buy for parents/adults trying to decipher what their kids are texting to their friends. Did you know that “9” means parent is watching? “99”; parent no longer watching (not Agent 99 from Get Smart)

Reading your children’s text entries is kind of  like our parents reading our diaries. How dare they, right?

Don’t know about your growing up years but in our home, the adults ruled. The only privacy we were entitled to was a few minutes of alone time in the bathroom every day. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. A NetLingo book purchaser’s review had this to say, “…It makes a great coffee table book and ignites some great discussions with people of all ages ;;) LMAO! If you have kids, the book is a MUST so you can interpret what they are texting to their friends and you 4COL.

OK (which means okay- I’m certain of that!), I had to look up LMAO which means “laugh my ass off” and 4COL means “for crying out loud”. At this rate, I’d be assigned to the remedial class in the SOA; that’s School of Acronyms. Gotcha on that, didn’t I?

There are certain acronyms that are universally understood. For women, it’s PMS.  For men, it’s ED. Then there’s the one that’s gender neutral, like STDs.(Oh my!) Folks in the military are familiar with the term SOS which has a dual meaning; the abbreviation for the Morse code distress call or the mess hall reference to “stuff* on a shingle” AKA (acronym for “also known as”) creamed chipped beef on toast.

*PG-ified version

I just thought of something to have a little fun with; a new product line in the making. Make the next trip to your ophthalmologist or optometrist  fun and educational. The letters on the eye chart will look normal, but will be coded as text messages. You’ll not only be asked to read each letter in each line but you’ll be quizzed on what each line means. Great, now I’ll develop test anxiety when I go to the eye doctor. Add that to my problem with white coat syndrome. Maybe I can get a group discount on anxieties when I’m treated by the psychiatrist. (Perhaps a group discount is only available for treatment of multiple personality disorder) Have you noticed that I have trouble focusing on one subject at a time?

Do I suffer from ADD; Attention Deficit Disorder; not texting lingo meaning address.

Do you suppose that there’s now a paid position for proofing text prose? Gives new meaning to a want ad for “text”book editors. Sorry McGraw Hill, just couldn’t pass up this double entendre. Mom sure could have used one of these folks when she was IMing (that’s instant messaging) about great Aunt Sally.

I pondered as to whether there is an acronym for the word acronym. Instead of making my own brain create one, I googled the word and poof… up popped many examples; two of which I admired. They are as follows:

“A Concise Reduction Obliquely Naming Your Meaning”

and

“Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbing Your Memory.”

The second “acronym” must have been created by a member of MENSA (you have to look up what MENSA stands for, I’m tired!) as I had to look up the definition of collocation.

I didn’t even imagine that there’s a texting acronym such as this, SSEWBA, meaning “Someday Soon, Everything will be Acronyms”. Really, it’s in the NetLingo book so it must be true. As are the following texting acronyms: ASIG, living in an ARE. Translation: “And so it goes, living in an Acronym Rich Environment”.

TH3 3ND.  Which in leetspeak means THE END; which is what I mean to write; no acronym, no kidding!