Are you a soap opera fan? I am not, however I always thought soaps were a female thing. Then I found out about a large male following. Who’da thunk? How can anybody be enthused over programs entitled: As The Stomach Turns*, The Young And The Sinful*, or The Days Of Our (Cheating) Wives*. * These program** names are punned. **Program is spelled Programme in the British Isles.
Where else can you find storylines which barely reflect reality? I’ve seen more realistic stories on HumorPress.com. Even some of my own stories have more credibility than the sudsies. Where do these writers come up with such stuff? Really now, where else can somebody die three times? Come on now, I know of no writer who would put two funerals (for the same person) in a script let alone three!
We have women with two year pregnancies, that’s longer than an elephant’s gestation. In that same amount of time a first grader graduates high school and another high school girl (aged 16 for 19 months) agonizes over who should be allowed to escort her to the prom.
Did you ever notice there is rarely ever a television set in the homes of these shows? A TV or radio may be shown if hearing the news, a weather report or a special entertainer was part of the script. The specific news item or personality begins the moment the set is turned on and is never interrupted by commercial or station break. After the report is over the set is immediately turned off and the TV or radio is never seen again.
A single conversation which would take about a half hour is spread over three days. On each day the hair-dos, make-up and clothes are all different. Does anyone really ever say in the middle of a conversation, “Hold that thought, I’ve got an appointment at the hair salon. Be right back, Ta-Ta.”? Speaking of clothes, did you ever notice that every actor is dressed to the 9s? You rarely if ever see casual or work clothes.
How about those steamy bedroom scenes? Are they the reason for so much nursery school, pre-school and pre-K? I know, the rug-rats are in the den watching Sesame Street, but the first time they come in during the hot stuff, off they go to pre-school.
In one scene, a woman turned on a super large thermostat which started ribbons blowing on the largest heating register ever seen. The character was attempting suicide* by breathing the carbon monoxide fumes of a faulty oil furnace. Is such exaggeration really necessary? I remember this episode because of the controversy it caused while I worked in the oil heating business. *I usually pun suicide by using the word sewer-pipe which is spelled the same in the British Isles.
I have to thank the women in my life for their comments on the soapys. I couldn’t have written this story without their input as I can only stand about two minutes of daytime TV before fleeing the room.