AGONY VALLEY STORES
COMPANY NEWS LETTER
CONGRATULATIONS. Ella Ellingham of the Hitchville store has won this month’s recipe contest with a prune dip. The winning entry is printed on the back of this newsletter. It has a zesty taste, the result of jalapeno peppers and mushrooms. More details are unavailable as the contest judges are hospitalized with intestinal distress. Congratulations Ella.
If anyone sees Lloyd on the sales floor of the Wynantskill store, congratulate him for being published again in HumorPress.com.
WEDDING. Della Hayes of payroll accounting and Joe Jones, warehouseman, were married last Saturday in Eastchester Central Park with catered reception. Over five hundred guests attended. They are now in Hawaii, trip and stay all first class.
DIVORCE. The battling Bickersons (Blanche and John, bakery and produce) of the Summerfield store divorced the 5th of last month at the Summerfield courthouse. A goodbye party and food fight was held at the Eagles Club hall.
FINANCIALS. A special audit is being conducted at headquarters in the payroll accounting department to try and find a mysterious $50,000 shortage. Everyone wishes Della were here since no one understands the books better than her.
BIRTHDAYS. We have three notable birthdays this month. Our oldest employee, Olga Immelman sales manager in Waterville turns 85 on the 10th. Laura Olsen of central City turns 15 on the 30th. Laura works in deli. On the records Laura is 23 and is the best worker in the store. Our president, Oscar Olsen is 45 the 7th. By the way Oscar is the father of Laura.
NEW STORE. The grand opening of our newest store will take place on the 25th of this month in Mudville. Our new pride and joy is located on 25th St. across from the famous baseball park where the Mighty Casey struck out in the 1890s. Daniel Schwartz will be the manager. This highly talented man is the son in law of Oscar Olsen. We wish Daniel the best of luck.
NEW PRODUCT. Fizzle Flakes has to be the worst tasting cereal product ever. Since we have so much invested, it is important to use maximum push to get this stuff out the door.
A CELEB IN OUR MIDST? It seems someone from the Central City store has posed naked in a Woodsman’s Home Improvement parking lot in Boca Malo, Texas. The photo is on the internet. It has been suggested we have a centerfold type picture in our newsletters. If this lady wants to be the first, please submit a negative or camera disc. We would prefer a similar pix at one of our stores.