I’m not happy! Marie and I are not bad people. We work all the time. We help others consistently. We give thanks and say our nightly prayers. So why in the hell do Adam and Eve get to stay in the Garden of Eden?

I thought about this for days. I watched those two, basically do nothing, except occupy the best piece of land in the subdivision. I even prayed for help.

When that snake approached us, I knew right away he wanted to help with my location quandary.

He asked me, “Bob. What are Adam and Eve’s weaknesses?”

I told him without hesitation that they loved fruit. Adam and Eve are in the garden chomping away at something every day. But I noticed they never ate any apples from that one specific tree, which I pointed out to him.

The snake asked, “Bob. Would you like me to persuade Eve, and then Adam to eat an apple from that tree?”

I laughed and said, “Yes. That would be delightful. Maybe they’ll get sick from those apples.”

I watched that snake slither over to Eve, and sure enough, she ate an apple. Within minutes, Adam imitated Eve’s actions.

The next morning I heard an enormous bellowing voice outside our house. It was the man himself. He was evicting Adam and Eve. I leaned against my doorway and snickered as Adam and Eve, clothed only in their undergarments made of leaves, exited the premises.

Marie asked me, “What happened Bob?”

I responded, “God kicked Adam and Eve out.”

Marie stood silently. She lamented the loss of our young neighbors.

I, on the other hand, lamented the fact that I didn’t know who to speak with first about living on that land. Was it God or Eden? I can only assume God because I had never seen the name Eden in our associations’ handbook. But if she exists, she is way behind on her dues.