I had just gotten home from overseas duty with the armed services when Mom informed me that Grandpa wasn’t doing real well and I needed to visit him. I made my way to the Vets’ home to see my ailing 90-year-old grandpa.

“Jimmy, my boy, you look great,” Grandpa said as he greeted me.

“Hey, Gramps, how you doing?”

“Ah hell, Jimmy, doing OK for my age. Sit down here. I want to talk to you.”

I sat next to my grandpa as he put his hand on my knee.“You look great in your uniform, Jimmy. You know I was in World War Two.”

“Yea, Gramps, that’s why I joined.”

“Son, I want to talk to you. I have some thoughts that have been weighing heavily on my mind. I feel I can trust you to discuss them.”

“Sure, Gramps, what is it?” My grandpa never talked much about his service, just bits and pieces. I knew he was in the thick of it, so I braced myself.

“Spike high heel shoes — who invented those, huh? The S.O.B. had to be a genius, don’t you think?”

“Yea, sure, Gramps, but I don’t know who invented them though.”

“Probably somebody French, they seem to have a knack for that kind of stuff. Look into that, Jimmy, and see if there is a monument to him. I left a little something in my will for you and a couple of buddies to go find out.”

“Also, do you think he was in cahoots with the garter belt guy? What a duo that is.”

“Not sure, Gramps.”

“Jimmy, in Russia, if the Siberians get in trouble do you think they ship them to Hawaii?”

“I…don’t know. Maybe.”

“Yea, that’s what I thought. If you ever are in Hawaii and meet a Siberian, be kind to him. He is going through hell. Ok, Jimmy?”

“Yea sure, Gramps. I will.”

“Do you think Victoria’s Secret mails their catalogue to Amish women?”

“I don’t know, Gramps, probably.”

“Yea, I knew it!” Grandpa smiled as he slapped my knee. “Those Amish aren’t as uptight as they say. Good people they are. Jimmy, do you think anyone at the University of Tehran in Iran knows how to tap a keg?”

“Ummn, probably not!”

“Also – Sushi. Do you think it started off at a Japanese bait shop during some really hard times?”

“Jimmy, if you are home-schooled and have a crush on your teacher would that be weird?”

“Geez, Gramps. I don’t know.”

“Jimmy, remember that time we went to the brewers’ supply store and saw the bag of powdered beer?”

Finally — a fun moment me and my granddad had together.

“Yea, I do, Gramps. That was a fun day.”

“Do you think that is the start of Ireland’s space program?”

“Ahh, It could be. I never thought about it that way.”

“An Irish man in space, never thought I would see it.”

“Jimmy, what do think was going through the first woman’s mind that thought, if I paint my fingernails red, color my eyelids blue and poke holes in my ears, the men will like me?”

“Gramps! I don’t know.”“Bet she never guessed she was onto something, huh? Hey, how about the first guy to get a tattoo? Do you think the tattoo artist told him, ‘lie still while I go get my hammer, needle and ink’? What do you think, Jimmy boy?”

I didn’t know what to say at this point, so I just nodded in agreement.“Jimmy, one favor. Don’t let them put me in the ground wearing a tie. I’m afraid that 10,000 years from now some archeologist will dig me up and think I hung myself. Promise me that.”

“I will, Gramps.”

“Also, do you think that guy still wants Jessie’s girl?” Grandpa seemed to be winding down. “Ahh, Jimmy, thanks for talking to me. This helps me a lot. Now get out of here and go have some fun with your buddies while you’re home. Here, son. Here’s a fiver.”

“Thanks, Gramps, it’s been good seeing you,” I said. But under my breath I mumbled, “Not too sure how good it was talking to you.”

“Jimmy, before you go — a little bit of advice. The early bird gets the worm, but it is the second mouse that gets the cheese. Think about it. Now get the hell out of here and have some fun.”

“Thanks, Gramps.” I got up and turned to leave, not sure what just happened, when…“Jimmy! One last question.”

“Yea, Gramps.”

“What do you think came first?”

“The Chicken.”

“No, no. The shoe or flip-flops?”