Well, kiddies, I have seen it all now! I was looking at the current Avon sales booklet when lo and behold, what should I see on page 49 but an “Express Curl Heated Lash Curler.”

This product “gently curls lashes” in only 10 seconds! Said item requires 2 AAA batteries, which of course are not included. Ten seconds huh? I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I will take a stab at this one!

Exactly how long does it take someone to curl their lashes with the “old fashioned” type of eyelash curler? This advertisement leads me to believe that you are allowed 5 seconds per eye. I’m thinking that I usually achieve the same results in less time with my obviously antiquated version.

As I sit here pondering the many uses and excuses for this breakthrough design that helps women the world over achieve perfect eyes I have to ask myself, Self, was the product development team at Avon having a three martini lunch when this particular idea was tossed out there on the table?

Are Cheech and Chong on their product development team? Is bigger, better, faster or curlier always the answer? Upon further research I discovered the following:

There is more than one type of eyelash curler. (I thought that only happened with food. You know the foods I speak of; low fat, no fat, full of fat, fake fat, Can’t believe it’s not fat… the list goes on for miles!) For the most part these eyelash curlers all look the same; the difference lies all in the name.

For instance there is the Plain Jane “Eyelash Curler,” which retails for $4.50 and comes with a laundry list of instructions for getting the “look” women really want. The next one up is the “Super” Eyelash Curler. It retails for $6 and there are very few physical differences between this product and the first. Last but not least on the list of manual eyelash curlers is the “Deluxe” version. This product retails for $9 and looks to be a heavier duty version of the first two.

All of three items use virtually the same curling technique and require you to squeeze the instrument on your lashes for a “few” seconds. What exactly is a few? I thought you’d never ask!

FEW (fyeeoo)

adj.
Being more than one but indefinitely small in number: bowled a few strings.

n.
An exclusive or limited number: the discerning few; the fortunate few.

pron.
A small number of persons or things: “For many are called, but few are chosen” (Matthew 22:14).

So, less than seven but more than two; glad I could clear that up for you. Now back to the subject at hand…

What I found to be really interesting is the manufacturer’s all recommend that you heat the curler with a blow dryer to achieve the best look possible! Never knew that… never really considered the possibility before! I find it hard enough finding the time to blow dry my hair in the mornings, much less heat up my eyelash curler with the darn thing.

Will repeated use of a heated instrument cause your lashes to fall out? Will you get split ends? That has been known to occur when we abuse our tresses with hot rollers and curling irons, so it stands to reason that it could happen to our lashes as well.

On the other hand if my eyelashes got split ends then it would appear that I had twice as many of them and perhaps I could save time and money by not having to apply mascara. Just a thought…

Another question brought to mind is just how long does it take for one of those electric deals to heat up? Well, on the World Wide Web, the Sephora Professional Mini Heated Lash Curler ($18 retail) takes a mere 15 seconds before it achieves its optimal curling temperature… 15 seconds! Now we’re up to 12.5 seconds per eye and for what, I ask you?

Well, so once we get those stick straight lashes of ours curly enough they can smudge mascara on our freshly eye shadowed eyelids of course. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Let’s face it, there is nothing as aggravating as getting to the end of your morning routine just to mess it all up with the final step! Well, OK, there are more aggravating things, but that’s a story for another day.