Mr. Benton,

We want to first say that we sincerely appreciate your interest in the MBA program at our university. Having said that, however, we do have some concerns about admitting you to our fine institution. First off, it’s spelled Y-A-L-E and there are no “I’s” in our name whatsoever.

Also, on the space marked “First Name” we wanted YOUR first name not the first name that came to your mind. The same goes for the “Last Name” section as well. Also, there may have been some confusion as to your application date, as we are no longer accepting applicants for the Fall 1996 semester.

Furthermore, we found it unnecessary for you to write in “No, because I have mad cash” in the “Are you going to be applying for financial aid?” portion of your application, when simply checking the “No” box would have been sufficient.

I am afraid that we cannot issue you in-state tuition because, well, firstly, we are not located in Amarillo, Texas, as you seem to think we are, and secondly, you don’t even live in Texas, as stated in the address portion of your application.

Moving on to your employment background, unfortunately “I raked my parents lawn one time when I was 5 and they gave me a quarter” does not qualify as employment.

However glowing and filled with praise it might have been, the letter of recommendation you wrote for yourself will not affect our decision. And, quite honestly, the second letter of recommendation will have to be thrown out as well, for you obviously wrote it yourself, as it was just a copy of the first letter with Andy Benton scratched out and replaced with “Your Mom.” And we are unsure as to whose mom you are referring.

As for your essay, we looked it up in multiple dictionaries and were unable to find the word “awesomestupendous.” We had hoped that we would be able to, seeing as you used it repeatedly in your essay. While we did say that the essay was to be under 1000 words, we were hoping it would be longer than 15 words, seven of which were the aforementioned word. However, don’t fret because creative, thinking-out-of-the-box kind of people are always welcome here at our fine institution.

Unfortunately, we are going to have to deny admittance to this university at this time. Upon researching your listed undergraduate school “Smart People Science and Mathematical Engineering Creative University” we were unable to find it on any of the accreditation lists. We do acknowledge that you probably did work very hard to achieve your degrees in “Chemo-Algebra” and “Medical Business Law Engineering,” we cannot accept those degrees without the proper accreditation.

We would like to wish you the best in all your future endeavors, however.

Thank You,

Dean of Admissions
Yale University MBA Program