We were on our first date. We had dinner, had gone to a movie, did coffee , and still didn’t want the night to end. So, we headed to my place at about 4 in the morning; he had to be at work by 7.

Shortly after we got to my apartment, he asked me where my bathroom was. I told him. He was gone for a minute, then returned, head hung low and he asked, “Do you have any toilet paper?”

I about died. [I thought to myself, is he really going to do a number 2 in my bathroom on our first date?]

On top of that, he thought we actually had toilet paper in the house -– WRONG.

I told him he didn’t have any. My roommates and I were engaged in the classic stalemate of who’s turn it was to buy the next roll. The only solace I could offer him was some napkins I had saved — I gave him a handful.

He went back to the bathroom and I started to notice a strange smell. Part of me thought it was coming from him, the other part of me knew it was coming from my room. I knew I had limited time to find out where this embarrassing stench was coming from so I armed myself with perfume and began the hunt. It was his shoes! And here I was thinking it was something of mine -– WRONG. I sprayed the inside of his shoes like my life depended on it. Just as I sprayed one last time, he walked into my room, head hung even lower—this time not even looking up at me—and he asked, “Do you have a plunger?”

GASP! 1. He went number 2 in my bathroom on our first date! 2. He clogged up my toilet! 3. He really thought we would have a plunger – WRONG! We had no plunger, we had no stick, we had nothing to help him out.

Off we were to a 24-hour grocery store. There we were in line as I flashed him the if-you-think-I’m-paying-for-this-plunger-after-you-just-blew-up-my-toilet-you’re-crazy look. I thought he was going to pick up the bathroom-recovery-trip-tab -– WRONG! He had spent all of his cash on the date!

So, I paid for the darn plunger myself, we went back to my apartment, he fixed the toilet just in time for him to leave for work and he left thinking I would never call him again — WRONG AGAIN.