Marjorie Randall dropped the kids off at school and returned home for Laundry Day. Five loads later, Marjorie remembered she needed to run to Safeway and pick up the cupcakes for the Teacher Appreciation Day luncheon.

She quickly grabbed her True Religion jeans and pulled them on. Still warm from the dryer, she could not help but pause and reflect on one the great luxuries of being a modern homemaker. Marjorie gazed in the mirror while applying her thick lip gloss and thanked God that she’d taken the time to bleach her teeth last night.

She rushed into the garage and hopped into her loaded Honda Odyssey. As she pulled out of the driveway, she reached for her cell phone, dialed voicemail and sped through the subdivision gates. With Madonna’s “Lucky Star” blaring through her Bose speakers, she cruised into a prime parking spot at Safeway.

After grabbing the cupcakes, Marjorie glanced at her Cartier watch and realized she was going to be late for Teacher Appreciation Day. She picked up her pace on the way to the registers, her Manolo Blahnik heals clicking. She suddenly felt movement in the right leg of her stylish jeans and was stopped in her tracks by the mouth-wide-open look of utter shock from an approaching younger fellow. Laughing loudly, he nearly shouted “Hey, Lady, how’d you do that?!”

Shaking with humiliation, Marjorie bent down to scoop up her cheetah print La Perla thong that had slid out of the bottom of her jeans, stuffed them into her Gucci bag and stumbled to the register.