I’m no crook or criminal. I don’t deliberately cheat the system although sometimes I make honest mistakes that make me look like I cheat the system.

Like when it comes to voting.

Last presidential election, I ended up voting twice, causing quite the ruckus.

Allow me to defend myself.

It was election year 2004. I bounce into P.S. 99 with my voting card in hand. I am getting some stares because I am overly ecstatic knowing that my vote is the one that is going to make the difference. There is a long line and each time it gets longer I chat more people up.

I ask them who there voting for. I pry into their personal lives. I nonchalantly rubberneck trying to get a peak between the striped-colored curtain and the Hospital Green voting booth.

“You, hello! You. You’re next! Go-“

Three different voices coming at me at once. Two are from behind and the other from the tiny, iron-fisted Senior ushering me towards the booth.

I don’t know what I was thinking but as soon as I walked into the booth, I pull the lever, the curtain closes behind me and then I pull the lever back and the curtain opens once again. I felt like a magician.

KALI: “I’m sorry, I didn’t get to vote.” I accidentally pulled the lever.”

BLUE HAIR: “Whatdya mean, you accidentally pulled the lever? You just voted!”

KALI: “No I didn’t. I forgot to vote. I just pulled the lever back and forth without thinking. Or maybe I just thought I had to wash the other voter’s vote off the machine so I can start fresh-I don’t know. I just didn’t vote-“

BLUE HAIR: “What the hell are you talking about? Have you ever voted before?”

KALI: “Yes, I have- I screwed up. I’m sorry-I didn’t vote-“

BLUE HAIR: Calling loudly across the room. “Bruce, I have a problem! This one pulled the lever but didn’t vote!!”

HUSKY BRUCE: “What do you mean she didn’t vote?”

BLUE HAIR: “I mean she didn’t vote. She forgot to vote”.

Impatient Woman in line behind me: “Just let her vote. She screwed up”

Outspoken Guy at the end of the line: “How do you forget to vote! That’s her problem. She doesn’t get to vote again.”

Impatient Woman: “She didn’t even vote-“.

Outspoken Guy at the end of the line: “She lost her vote. She already voted. No one gets to vote twice!”

Impatient Woman: “She doesn’t just lose her vote-!”

Bruce walks up to me.

BRUCE: “You didn’t vote?”

KALI: “I’m sorry, Sir, I did not vote-“

BRUCE: “So then why’de you pull the lever?”

BLUE HAIR: “She says she didn’t know. There’s always one in the bunch.”

Impatient Woman: “Just let her vote for Christ sake!”

At this point I am purple with embarrassment.

I lean into the Blue Haired Lady’s face.

KALI: “I really need to talk to you-“

BLUE HAIR: “What now!”

KALI:(Whispering) I’m dyslexic and I can’t read that well. The letters dance. That’s why I pulled the lever.

Blue Hair has an “Ahhhh she’s just stupid” look on her face. She leans into Bruce.

BLUE HAIR: “Bruce- she’s disabled!”

Bruce: “She shoulda said something. Eh, just let her vote”. He walks away.

So now I am in the voting booth, fake-crying real tears.

BLUE HAIR: “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

KALI: ” I was too embarrassed.'”

A reassuring Grandma’s hand on the shoulder.

BLUE HAIR: “Honey, you gotta ask for help…next time, just ask for help.”

I force a shameful smile.

We vote together. Grandma and me.

I walk out of the booth. As I exit, I walk along the long line of people still watching.

I stop in front of Outspoken Guy At The End Of The Line.

I lean into him.

“Hey”, guess what? I just voted. Twice”.