“Before you read the mail, we need to talk,” I told my husband.

“No good ever comes from those words,” he replied as he eyed the mail on the table.

“Why do you say that, “I inquired.

“Well, last week you needed to talk after watching ‘Oprah’ and proceeded to tell me what my problem was. I wasn’t aware I had a problem.”

“Geez, I thought you’d be grateful and thank me.”

“I should thank you for listing my flaws in alphabetical order?”

“You’re welcome.”

“But, what the heck, what’s my problem this week? How are you going to fix me?”

“I think we could work on our communication skills, don’t you.”

“No. I think we communicate just fine.”

“By communicate do you mean I talk and you listen?”

“Yeah, it works for us. Why screw with it?”

“Anyway, I went to the bookstore today and read this book..”

“Oh, God, a book; haven’t I begged you to stop reading books, to stop watching ‘Oprah’ and to stop reading women’s magazines? All they do is fill your head with crazy ideas, we fight and I end up in the dog house.”

“The name of the book is The Fine Art of Small Talk, by Debra Fine.”

“Small talk; you want to do small talk? I married you so I wouldn’t have to talk anymore. I prayed that one day you would run out of things to talk about. I’m still praying.”

“In the book she gives 10 tips for Tip-Top listening. Promise me you’ll really listen and not do that pretend listening where you bob your head a lot. Ok? Ready?”

“This is gonna be tough. After we talk can I read the mail?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s get this over with.”

#1- Learn to want to listen – must have the desire, interest, concentration and self discipline. As my husband and I talked about our day I was proud of him for exhibiting self discipline by squelching his desire to grab the mail which was a stiff competitor for his interest.

#2- Become a “whole body” listener – listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Needed improvement – I thought as my husbands gaze would constantly drift toward the mail. As for his ears, well, he kept insisting, “Your phone’s ringing. Go answer it.” This lead me to believe his heart wasn’t in it.

# 3- Control internal and external distractions. I noticed during our talk my husbands’ hand slowly inching closer and closer to the mail until the external took over his internals and unable to resist any longer, he grabbed an envelope and ripped it open. Curious as to why he put his head down and started crying I pried the letter from his hand. It was a coupon for Barnes and Noble. Tomorrow I would make a trip and find a book with the answer for his unprovoked, emotional outburst. I’ll fix his problem. He’ll thank me.