As White House officials searched for carbon neutral transport to the Copenhagen Global Warming summit, Miami Police announced that 14 horticultural crops had escaped from their glass-enclosed greenhouse nurseries and are rapidly spreading across the landscapes of the earth. Ornamental flowers, once confined to Dade County greenhouses are reported to be spreading their alluring stems and overexcited pollen across Florida and have overrun Orlando parking lots, leading Disney officials to announce that the desperate search for a Disney World parking space would be converted into an exciting jungle and safari ride.
Meanwhile, Dutch officials reported tulips had broken out of Leiden City greenhouses, flooded that country’s lowlands with multi-colored bulbs and have left millions of Northern Europeans tiptoeing on millions of Tiny-Tim-like toes, to work, to school, and to ballet training centers. And, according to witnesses in Sacramento, California, millions of brussels sprout, snap bean, and Chinese flowering broccoli plants, overpowered their “earth box planters,” broke free of their greenhouse temperature controls and invaded thousands of acres of pristine deserts and mountain sides. The cash-strapped governor and budget-beam-balancing gymnast, Arnold Schwarzenegger, pleaded with state residents to “get in touch with” and “act out“ their “true inner feelings about broccoli,” particularly when inside the boundaries of a state park.
USDA soil scientist Dr. Harrison McDowell provided his analysis of the outbreak to the grassroots organization Grassroot Growers and Organizers:
“With a billion new people stomping carbon footprints into the earth’s soil, it is not surprising that greenhouse plants have proliferated like outdoor rabbits and indoor termites.”
EPA atmospheric scientist Dr. Hsiao Muzhu offered another view of the greenhouse plant breakout to the Unnatural Gas Producers and Transmitters Association:
”The USDA, once again, has researched its head into the ground. It is the spread of greenhouse gases into the upper atmosphere that has created the perfect atmospheric mixtures for greenhouse plants to thrive in the open air of the earth.”
The Mexican Minster of Air, Soil, Sun and Shade, Dr. Jaime Mudola, told reporters at his snap beans and flowering Chinese broccoli-covered estate, that the two squabbling American scientists were each entitled to their own facts. And he boasted that he was “Texas-style raring to go” to Copenhagen to sign a Cap and Shade agreement which would allow Mexico to triple its annual production of 24 inch sombrero brim hats.
Holland’s Chancellor of Environmental Debate Gas Emissions, Dr. Hecksen Mudmeyer, told the newly formed “Dutch Tipped Shoe Manufacturers Association” that “language mixups” could lead the Copenhagen summit to increase “world laughing gas emissions” nineteen-fold. And he said the summit’s priority should be to halt the proliferating mobs of ex-greenhouse tulips from overrunning Europe’s law-abiding cropland and creating speculative anti-bubbles which “may send tulip prices through the basement floor and perhaps into the soils of the earth itself.”
The Chinese Secretariat of Atmospheric Discipline and Outdoor Tai Chi Breathing, Dr.Huo Mu Mei Su Li, also known as Dr. “Don’t hold your Breath,” told Australian reporters that China would sign the “Captain Trade” agreement, provided Chinese ships could transport flowered Chinese broccoli to California state banks.
Meanwhile Disney World, bowing to changing world realities, and fantasies, announced plans to flood its “Future World” theme park with six feet of carbonated water and convert its jungle safari “hunt and parka” lots into an open air greenhouse nursery.
Holland’s Dr. Hecksen Mudmeyer told the newly formed Save The Wooden Shoe From Tree-Hugging Carbonists Association that it was important for environmental officials and leaders around the world to “keep moving the debate gas forward” and be prepared to cap any country’s Global Warming proposals and trade it for proposals from other countries.
As the summit drew closer President Obama downplayed expectations for a “coherent” international declaration on Global Warming or the recent Greenhouse Vegetable Invasion of the earth’s surface and California’s monetary system.
The President told reporters, his staff had found two carbon-neutral travel options to Copenhagen’s Global Warming summit: telecommute or spend five days hitching a ride on a trading ship carrying flowering Chinese broccoli.
The President, reported to be deliberating over his Copenhagen travel options, told reporters that “not ever eating again” is not the appropriate way to express one’s true inner feeling about flowering Chinese broccoli, even if you are inside California, at a weight loss clinic.