This is a shout-out to the “break-up” hair! I bet you’re sitting there thinking to yourself, what is this mysterious break-up hair she is speaking of…? We’ll as every young relationship ignites and burns, it also simmers and is doused by the unforgiving true-self of your former lover.

For centuries women have been subject to the metaphorical shank-in-the-chest feeling of an unreciprocated love; the moment their significant other renders them unworthy of their love and informs them so in two syllables (Either via text message or for the more developed human soul: at the local coffee shop) “You’re Dropped”.

And so, these undignified individuals on the receiving end of this ego-bashing decide it is time for a change. Clearly your lover lost interest over superficial reasons such as…my hair! That is it. If I vainly bleach, shave, chop, feather and style my hair into perfection my ex-lover will come to the realization that I am a Goddess and in turn swoop me back into his arms.

The answer was right in front of my eyes, staring back at me in my reflection. It was obviously those few stray split ends that instigated his detest for me! After all, men are physical creatures and despite their oblivion to my previous hair-cuts and outfit transformations he will regard my Post-break-up hair with a sparkle of wonder and awe.

With my new hairstyle my ex-lover will observe that I am independent and have moved on from our petty ‘relationship’, his envy of my indifference to the fact that I have just had my heart ripped from my chest and stomped on repeatedly will drive him crazy and henceforth, he will have no choice but to chase me once again!
And so, it is time for your reality check…

No amount of peroxide can bleach the dignity back into your hair, just as much as you cannot cut ‘the-ex’ out of your hair in the form of a trendy pixie cut. The reason he broke up with you was not because of his newfound dissatisfaction with your split ends or ‘dull-and-lifeless’ colour.

So please, do everyone a favour, we can see beneath the facade, put down the bottle of Live 28 washes and move on with your life. If you want to change perhaps you can join a 12-step program on how to deal with your resulting daddy issues of neediness and dependence and find yourself another boyfriend to verify your own self-worth.