I recently saw an article headline on a Woman’s magazine that read; 99 Ways to Please a Woman. Now if you are thinking that it referred to 99 Ways to Please a Woman in Bed, you’re obviously a man. To a woman, sex would be pretty far down the list. From a woman’s perspective, the number #1 way to please a woman in bed is to not bother her when she’s in it.

This is not to say that woman aren’t necessarily interested in sex, they just have other things to put on the list. For the men, the first 33 Things to Do to Please a Man would involve sex, the next 33 would involve beer, and the last 33 would have something to do with nachos and the TV remote.

For a woman, good sex leads to a strong emotional bond with the man, and that emotional attachment can satisfy a woman for a long time. A very long time. Sometimes for days, weeks, months, years and several future lifetimes. For men, good sex leads to a beer, nachos, the TV remote and the next bout of good sex, sometimes as late as twenty minutes later.

Men think of sex as a contact (hopefully) sport. That’s why they say they SCORED if they have sex. So when it comes to “how-to” tips they’re not all that interested. They don’t really want to memorize the playbook, they just like to look at the diagrams. To try to remember 99 tips would require taping a cheat sheet on their wrist like a rookie quarterback. It would be awkward to have to stop for a second to see what you should be doing on third and short. Men don’t want a long, sustained drive to the goal line, they want to score on a long bomb. Of course, when it comes to actually scoring most men are on the Buffalo Bills offense. They’re happy if they can just get close enough to kick a field goal. In reality, they spend most of their time in the locker room watching training tapes of other teams scoring.

Actually, I’ve taken all 99 Things to heart, so that when I get down to #99, love-making, I’ll be ready. My goal now during love-making is to be so attentive to my wife’s needs that eventually she’ll put down the book she’s reading.