Edna Braskowitz was arrested last night for auto theft, speeding, driving without license, driving without insurance and recklessness.

Mrs. Raskowitz was clocked at 120 MPH on the North Side Highway by Deputy Daryl Dogg at 2 AM. Dep. Dogg chased her 20 miles before forcing her over by exit 10. Upon being approached by the deputy, Mrs. Braskowitz challenged him to a drag race to exit 12. The car she was driving, a 1965 Pontiac GTO, was stolen from the Pine Valley Auto Museum earlier in the evening.

Mrs. Braskowitz’s adventure began yesterday morning when her children declared her too old to drive and confiscated the keys to her Dodge Ram pickup truck. Upon turning in the number plates to the Registry Office, Edna’s offspring found out that the plates expired in 1995 and were cleverly repainted in current colors. They also found out that Granny’s last driving license also expired the same year.

Older readers may remember Edna Braskowitz, as the prolific winner at the Valley Speedway in the 1950s and 60s. The wife of Aaron Braskowitz, a local Dodge dealer, she drove greatly modified Dodge stock cars to victory almost every outing. Racing fans always debated whether Edna’s greater talent was driving or rebuilding an engine to its maximum performance.

When asked why she stole a Pontiac, when she was such a Dodge fan, Mrs. Braskowitz replied, “Goats are easier to hot wire!” Mrs. Braskowitz was remanded to the county jail lieu of $5,000 bail. Her one phone call was made to her lawyer to change her will to leave her entire estate to a nephew, Leon Edwards, instead of her children. Edwards currently resides at the Central State Mental Hospital.

Mrs. Braskowitz refused all efforts of her lawyer to bail her out of jail. She refuses to stay in her home with her lazy deadbeat children. Edna B. is content to stay in jail for the rest of her days. Sheriff Kelly does not want this woman in his jail. Her demand is to let her drive her Dodge pickup to church each Sunday. This is out of the question as the vehicle has never been properly registered or insured. Mrs. Braskowitz will compromise and let Deputy Daryl Dogg take her to and from church each week.

To the sheriff’s chagrin, charges against Edna Braskowitz keep piling up. In addition to the vehicle and traffic counts, at least a score of contempt charges have resulted because of Edna’s lack of cooperation in court. Her worst punishment would be a release and dropped charges.

Beware, you may never know what to expect when you attempt separating your Granny from her transportation.