AToday I saw a new memo on the company bulletin board so I did the right thing and read it. My job is part time as I am retired and only here to stay active, be with people and get story ideas for HumorPress.com. I sweep the floors and empty trash so most of the stuff on the bulletin board never applies to me. Mostly it is boring even to the people it does apply to. Maybe it should be called bulletin bored.
This new memo had to do with dress code policy so it kind of did apply to me. It started out with crap I already knew, the standard office dress code. Next paragraph was the policy for casual Fridays, same old drivel.
Then was the dress down junk about team jerseys when the Slippery Eels finally win a game. It’s not only about the Slippery Eels. We do get to wear sports rags during the World Series and Super Bowl week.
Next was some blather about a more relaxed atmosphere in the workplace from time to time and letting hair down, blah, blah, blah.
What idiot makes this stuff up? The last part is so off the wall! There is no way that this contributes to proper office decorum. Yeah, I know, decorum is out of my league. I even spelled it right on the first try.
You can’t run an office with people dressed this way! We have customers coming into the show room and reception areas. We have clients and venders wandering through the area to meet with the sales force and managers. Then there are auditors and people from various governmental agencies. This shouldn’t happen!
Who am I to say anything, I am a janitor. I do my job and get paid. If some dolt wants to destroy the good thing we have here, let him or her. I can always get another sweep the floor job at a supermarket.
What is odd, it is rare that this memo is not on letterhead paper. What moron signed it? Can’t make out the scribble and he didn’t type his name under it (or was it a she?). Where can I get this kind of garment this season of the year? Well I am not completely incompetent with a scissors and a needle, maybe I can modify something. The first try for this lunacy is this coming Tuesday.
Tuesday comes and here I stand like an idiot all alone in swim trunks! All of the men are in white shirts, dark pants and ties. The women were in light blouses and dark knee length skirts. I was expecting bikinis in accounting, thongs in engineering, Speedos in sales, one-piece racing swimmers in data entry.
“Doesn’t anyone read the memos on the bulletin board?” my rant begins. “Hey Joan did you know there is an opening in the Atlanta branch so you can live closer to your mother? Read the stinking memos! You, schmuck in the corner, did you know the promotion you wanted was advertised? It is on the bloody board by the lunch room door! Today is swimsuit day and I alone read the memo!”
About this time Arleen Jenkins, the office manager comes over and puts her arm around my shoulders and calmly says, “Lloyd, what day is it?”
I say, “It is April first, why do you ask?”