My antiquated mother would say that you can’t love two men, but I’m here to attest that you can and I did.

My binge eating housewife sister will tell you that my problem started when I deceived both men. Well, she is an obese liar. My problem started when I broke my rule. No marriage, no brats. And, my life until my problem was the definition of perfection but on a grander scale.

My CEO, who is fifteen years my junior and has enough money to make Donald Trump look broke, asked me to marry him. I was supposed to say no, but when I saw that six-carat princess-cut diamond gazing back at me, my mouth forgot about the rule.

Now I was thrilled to become the third “Mrs. Kept” to a man who could buy one of the smaller US states if I desired. But, I had a dilemma. He was two hours away in a neighboring city and he loved me too.

My general contractor loved me to the point of if I told him to go to heaven and slap God he would do it. He may not have the type of money my CEO has but he made up for it in the bedroom. We spent most of our time together putting deep wrinkles in the sheets. So when he asked me to marry him two months after my CEO, my mouth said yes, again. The ring wasn’t as brilliant as my CEO’s but it was one-cart general contractor’s wife chic.

So there I was engaged to two men. My CEO would fly in to visit me and when he wasn’t there, I would drive two hours to visit my Contractor. The drives back and forth and the airport pickups and making sure I had on the right ring wasn’t as taxing as it appeared. The hardest part was making sure that I didn’t cry out the wrong name during lovemaking.

Everything was fine until one evening I was with my CEO in our newly purchased ten-thousand-square-foot abode he bought for me and I heard a familiar voice yell. “Hey Dad, is my new mom here yet?” My Contractor said in a half laugh.

I felt the color drain from my chocolate brown face.

“We’re in the den son.” My CEO said with pride. He brushed his lips against mine and whispered. “I love you.”

I forced a smile but kept my lips locked because if I had opened them I would have vomited. My heart raced ten times faster than the footsteps of my Contractor as he made his way down the hall. I wanted to run but I couldn’t move. So, I did what my mom told me to do at the beginning of this mess. Pray. “Dear God I’ll give up sex if….”

My prayer was interrupted by my sister’s face and her abominable accent in my head. “Karma never misses a payment.” She taunted as her jowls jiggled, and that stupid gap between her teeth impeded a proper smile.