Have you ever been on a job interview where the interviewer has pulled out a whole bunch of required questions? Have you ever had to sit there like a dummy because the only answer you could think of was, “Huh?”

Well, we can do better than that. In the spirit of MAD Magazine, here are some snappy answers to stupid interview questions.

Q. What are your two greatest strengths?
A. I can hack into any email address in the company.
B. The handgun in my pocket.

Q. What are your two greatest weaknesses?
A. I never do any work if I can get someone else to do it and give me the credit.
B. I don’t show up for work half the time, but I always collect the paycheck.

Q. Where do you see yourself in five years?
A. I see myself in your job, but making a lot more money than you do.

Q. What would your boss say about you?
A. S/he’s good in bed, if you don’t mind doing it on a bare springboard.

Q. What circumstance brings you here today?
A. Oh, I was walking down the street and I thought, “Gee, this would be a good time to do a torturous, humiliating interview for a really crummy job.” So I came here.

Q. How do you handle stress?
A. I run around screaming obscenities in four different languages.

Q. Why should we hire you?
A. You’ve been wondering that, too?

Q. What are you passionate about?
A. You. Are you doing anything tonight?

Q. Describe a difficult situation and how you overcame it.
A. My boss wanted me to work, so I quit.