It is hard to believe that a whole year has gone by already. And what a year it has been!

We are still living comfortably in our trailer. Some might think that it is too small for all six of us (not counting dogs), but we just see every day as an opportunity to grow closer as a family. Besides, the new septic tank makes a big difference.

Johnny has had a big year, and we could not be more proud of his accomplishments. He is a senior in high school and is considering his options for after graduation. He has decided to abandon his dreams of building replicas of famous structures with playing cards. He now faces the choice of either staying on the fast track of fast-food restaurant management or joining in the ol’ family bait shop.

Billy is an energetic 16-year-old (they grow up so fast, don’t they; he was 15 only a year ago). He tried out for the varsity football team again this year, but, wouldn’t you know it, he broke his other collar bone. He applies that same determination to his online poker and has won over $500 in the last month, which nearly makes up for the time he lost the Volkswagen.

Janet just started middle-school and is doing well. She is particularly enjoying her home economics class and can already make a better fried peanut butter and banana sandwich than her mother. But she wisely refuses to let her education get in the way of her professional weight-lifting aspirations.

But enough about the kids. Let’s be honest: you really want to know about the dogs.

Rufus died.

Eddie buried a bone or something under the north-east corner of the trailer, and the homestead just hasn’t been quite level since. This was probably the deciding factor in Johnny’s abandonment of playing card architecture.

Lolita, our little Shih-Tzu, is still a bit high strung. She gets very worried every time anyone comes near the trailer, enters a room, or makes any sudden movements. She runs around, barks like crazy, forgets to breathe, and passes out. She is like a motion sensor with a funny little alarm (BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK thud). So cute! I honestly can’t understand why the neighbors keep shooting at her.

Erma is thankfully barking less, which I guess means the medications are working. Honestly, there are days when living with a great aunt can be a challenge.

Martha and I are doing better since the police confiscated her 12-gauge. You gotta love a woman with a fiery spirit. We are looking forward to spending more time together this coming year as she nears the end of her court-ordered community service hours.

Anyway, I hope your year was as memorable as ours. Don’t be a stranger: there is always room for you here should you be passing through.

Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Sincerely,

That One Guy You Knew In High School But Haven’t Spoken To In 30 Years

© Copyright by author, used with permission by Humor Press. No unauthorized reproduction or redistribution is allowed.