Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes! ™
"Mommy! I'm a bidj! I'm a bidj!" She's smiling and giggling, squirming excitedly in her car seat. "What?" I ask her, trying to buckle her in while she's squirming. "I'm a bidj!" Right then I stop what I'm doing and mentally play back what she just said. Did my darling little … [Read more...]
I’m a simple person. Admittedly, it doesn’t take much to entertain me when I’ve made up my mind to check out. A boring church service, dinner with my in-laws: I’m gone. While most people ruminate over their portfolio, I’ll focus on what life would be like if I were born with … [Read more...]
“Lawton Raynell Shnardlicker, if you were any hotter, the janitor would find a pile of ashes where you currently stand!” Never one to lack confidence, Lawton squeezed a dab of Crest onto his index finger and rubbed his remaining front tooth, then licked his finger and wet the … [Read more...]
I was wandering through the maze of department store aisles, searching unsuccessfully for the area which would surely change my mood from merely apprehensive to downright miserable. As I passed two saleswomen deep in conversation, I said, “Excuse me, do you know where the … [Read more...]
Last week, my wife and I were painting her mother's house. I lack both the skill and the wardrobe to be a good house painter, which is fine because I also lack the inclination. I have never seen the point in having more than one pair of shoes, and I can't bring myself to ruin a … [Read more...]