I have a bladder the size of -- appropriately enough -- a pea. Throughout the day I’m in the bathroom more often than not. My astrological sign is Aquarius -- the water bearer -- but in my case, it's more like the water releaser. I had erroneously thought that as soon as my son … [Read more...]

The most difficult thing about a fitness program is not shelling out the bucks to join a club, or even using the resistance machines. No indeed. The hardest thing is buying clothes to work out in. Exercise clothes seem to be designed to remind you exactly why you need to go to … [Read more...]

I have a confession to make, and I feel just terrible about it: I’ve become a cheatin’ man. But it’s not what you think. I’ve been cheating on the Vermont Maid with Mrs. Butterworth. It’s not something I planned; it just happened. As long as I can remember I’ve had Vermont Maid … [Read more...]

My doctor minced no words at my last physical: “I cannot give you diet pills; you must have a fitness routine, preferably at a health club!” (Preferably one he had an interest in, no doubt.) Well, whatever his motives, he was the doctor and he had commanded me to physical … [Read more...]

I was reading The Oxford Book of American Literary Anecdotes when it occurred to me that if you want to be a great writer, you’ve got to be screwed up. From this amusing collection I learned that Edgar Allan Poe’s antics included marrying his 13-year-old cousin. Eugene O’Neill … [Read more...]