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I'm here today at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Orchard Park, N.Y.; home of the Buffalo Bills. The jerk's owner Linda has called me to the game because she can no longer control her jerk. The jerk and his pack are all dancing shirtless in snowy twenty-degree weather. This Buffalo Bills … [Read more...]
I was at the grocery store the other day when I saw it: The Special Collector’s Edition of People Magazine’s coverage of the birth of William and Kate’s second child. Oh. My. God. I got so excited I was shaking. First I bought a pair of rubber gloves and put them on so when I … [Read more...]
When they were putting together the English alphabet, the letter X got the short end of his two sticks. Rumor has it he showed up late – along with Y and Z – and the threesome almost didn’t make the alphacut. But that would have left us with 23 letters and important words and … [Read more...]
Little Maggie was my best friend. I sure will miss her. I was sure she would be safe in the toilet. It was just a routine goldfish bowl cleaning. I screamed in horror when I forgot and flushed. Denial always comes first. I thought: "She's just frolicking in the septic tank. … [Read more...]
I love Ash Wednesday. It’s the only day where it’s socially acceptable to walk outside with a filthy face. The effects of this holy day are best experienced down in the Wall Street section of Manhattan. Men in Saville Row suits and women in floor-length mink coats walk around … [Read more...]