When my alarm clock beeps I whack it with my hand and wait for my dog. She walks from her cozy canine blanket at the foot of my bed to join me on my pillow. I make our morning snuggle time quick and leap out of bed before she can dole out “morning thunder”, that predictable first dog fart of the day. If I move fast I can avoid it, but sometimes I’m not so lucky.
My dog, Jewel, likes to be with me in the home office most mornings. That’s where I get to enjoy “silent thunder.” I am busy at work when my eyes start to water. I never heard it coming, but it smells like rotten eggs or that time we went to the hot springs. All I can do is fan my own face and say her name but she isn’t affected. She isn’t the slightest bit embarrassed either. Jewel is asleep with a smile on her face.
We eat dinner together as a family. Jewel waits under the table so she will be nearby when some food is dropped. The kids know not to give her any people food – we have enough trouble without upsetting her gastric balance. But the mere thought of what might drop from the table gets my dog so excited that we hear “eager thunder” from under the table. This sends the kids into fits of laughter and prompts my husband to ask me what I have been feeding that dog.
“Nothing,” I say defensively. Why does he always blame me?
Then I think about the dog treat I gave Jewel for chasing the birds off the lawn. And the one I gave her for keeping me company while I folded the laundry. Oh, and the hunk of cheese I gave her for telling me the mailman was there. She loves cheese.
Then there was that bite of sandwich she got earlier. I didn’t really feed it to her, I dropped it. Why bother picking it up when I have my own furry vacuum nearby? I gave her a bite of my cookie to thank her for cleaning up the sandwich. And later there were a few Doritos she got from the table when the kids weren’t looking.
I was feeling guilty. My poor dog and her room clearing gas; maybe it wasn’t all her fault. Maybe I should put her on a strict diet. Maybe I should ignore her big brown eyes when I’m having a cookie and keep it all for myself. I was planning my confession to the family when it happened.
A loud noise quieted the room. My dog was so startled she ran to the door to escape. My family looked at Jewel but I just laughed. That one was “mom thunder.”