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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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December 2006 / January 2007 Contest Results |
Valentine's Day
Defines Opposite Reaction to Love & Attraction
By
Larry Hobbs,
Florida
Those
high-minded professors of social engineering who insist men and women
share an inherently common mindset surely never considered The Three
Stooges factor – that near universal phenomenon of indifferent women
rolling their eyes at grown men reduced to sophomoric giggle-fits by the
slapstick trio’s frenetic hi-jinks.
But that’s a power tools to fashionable shoes comparison, and one that
misses the point besides.
Yet, there is a single day each year that strikes, quite literally,
straight to the heart of the matter. And Feb. 14, Valentine's Day, is
fast approaching. This holiday celebrates the romance, passion, and the
manifest attraction that bonds she whose fancy bathroom towels are not
to be touched to he who covets the TV flipper as if it wielded the
powers of the sword Excalibur.
But let’s face it, guys. Most of us view Valentine’s Day with the
skepticism of an e-mail from a Nigerian prince who will gladly repay
tenfold our generous loan to help restore his wealth and status. In bars
and bass boats from Oregon to Alabama, men are in a defensive fuss about
the “holiday” that demands burden of proof regarding their undying
affection and commitment to wives and girlfriends. And from there, the
guys are just a snagged fishing lure or a Shania Twain song on the juke
box short of concocting conspiracy theories linking the dubious trinity
of the greeting card industry, flower shops and that St. Valentine guy.
Sheesh!
That’s it, boys, get it out of your system. Then wise up. Because that
worn-out macho saw about not being able to live with women, and not
being able to live without them, well, it’s only half right.
And as for that highly-suspect trinity of co-conspirators? Actually,
gentlemen, they may actually be in your corner.
For example, maybe it is high time a certain young woman knows just how
happy you’ve been since that chance encounter with her three weeks ago.
Or it could be the perfect occasion for the guy who is bursting inside
to tell his best girl he won’t take no for an answer when the engagement
ring arrives with dessert. The veteran husband will never admit it to
the guys, but the teary sparkle in his wife’s eyes is more rewarding
than the extra golf outings he’ll earn for getting the Valentine’s Day
drill right.
Still, men often regard Feb. 14 as more of a chore than a holiday. There
is the ponderous ordeal of standing in the grocery story express
checkout lane -– just you and a dozen other guys wearing guilty
expressions and carrying a bouquet of flowers. Harder still is the task
of juggling work with fourth-quarter attempts to snag reservations at
the latest haute cuisine joint, the one that features a $47 goat cheese,
poached sea bass and shitake mushroom fajita.
He doesn’t even know it, ladies, but this is no chore. It is a labor of
love, performed dutifully for the special woman in his life. And he’s
doing the best he can.
So try to remember, as country music legend Tammy Wynette so aptly put
it, “after all, he's just a man."
And hey, men, consider the bright side. At least the perpetrators of
this day of romantic obligation had the good sense to schedule it after
football season and before baseball starts up.
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