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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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December 2006 / January 2007 Contest Results |
A
Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Bed Last Night
By Ryan Collins,
Florida
I was lying in
bed last night, well this morning, 3am. The newsbreak came on as it does
every hour and one of the stories was about a local woman being
sentenced in a case where she drove her car THROUGH THE ROOF OF
SOMEBODY’S HOUSE and killed a guy.
This caught my attention as I’m sure
it would anybody’s. So when I went to work today I jumped onto the
information super highway and looked the story up on the local news
website. I imagined the guy lived in one of those houses by the highway,
you know, under an overpass, and she drove over the side. Oops, stuff happens when you live near a highway.
Nope. The news story said he lived
in a normal house, not a highway house, and the woman was going so fast
that when her car hit the curb, it was launched into the air toward the
house, high enough to go through the roof and killed a young Milton man,
who was said to be home alone, lying in his bed, watching a ball game.
Maybe it’s just me, but I swear my first thought when I discovered this
was, how did they know he was watching a ball game? I asked my wife and
she gave the common-sense answer, “The ball game was probably still on
when the police got there.”
Sure I can buy that. But that doesn’t mean
that he was watching it. Already the seemingly impossible has happened.
A CAR has crashed through the ROOF OF A HOUSE. What if in this freakish
accident the car, or the guy being struck by the car, happened to hit
the remote?
He could have been watching Home and Garden or MTV and the
channel changed cause he died with his hand on the remote. We don’t know
what happened, why do they have to guess at what he was doing in bed
without knowing for sure?
Then I got to thinking, what if that was me in that bed? With my luck I
would be lying there, actually watching a ball game, and BAM! Through
the roof comes a huge car crushing me to death and hitting the remote
control. In the ruckus the pay-per-view button and maybe some others get
hit. When the police arrive on the scene...gay porn on the TV!
The
headline reads “Local Military Member, Husband, Father of Two Dies
Watching Gay Porn.” I’m forever remembered as the gay porn guy who got
hit by a car in bed. People laugh, my kids get picked on, nobody I loved
can ever think of me again without picturing me on that fateful night,
gay porn and all.
So I have a new rule. When I watch TV in bed, from now on the remote
will be nowhere near me, just in case the unthinkable should happen.
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