|
|
|
| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
|
|
|
April / May 2006 Contest Results |
Solutions to
High Gas Prices
By
Paul Vincent, Manitoba
With gas prices
continuing to rise, and oil company (Oilco) profits going through the
roof, people are asking: what are we going to do about it? Or, more
specifically, what is the government going to do about it?
So far, as you might expect, most governments have chosen to do nothing.
However, by doing nothing that is actually doing something. Doing
nothing gets us rising gas prices and higher Oilco profits. A couple of
Canadian provinces have begun regulating gas prices just like most do
with electricity rates. However, what is needed is something we can all
use.
Here are some actions that can be done right now:
-- Keep siphoning gas out of your neighbor's SUV. Those things burn gas
like it's free and they won't even notice a few gallons are missing.
-- Pump and run. Say, for every ten visits to the pump to fill up,
designate one as a 'pump & run' or "P'nR." Oilco's, and their market
cousins, Gasco's, surely won't notice a mere 10% that goes missing.
-- That pile of lawn crap sitting in your back yard? Convert it to
ethanol and pour it into your tank. You can use the same process that
you're using now in your basement meth lab.
-- Figure out a way to do the same with any other waste you are
generating. You might recall from those 'back to the future' movies that
their time travel car was fusion powered. Develop one that actually
works and attach it to your engine. You'll reduce garbage going to the
land fill and power your car almost for free.
-- Convert your car into a hybrid. Take the chain and pedal assembly off
your bike, cut a hole in your car's floorboard in front of the gas and
break pedals, install it - voila! - a gas powered car that is also pedal
powered, and fun, too. Install three additional pedal assemblies in the
passenger areas so the whole family can join in.
-- Install a big hook on the front of your car. As you pull up behind
someone else in traffic, extend the hook and latch onto their bumper.
Put your car in neutral and enjoy the ride on the other guy's dime.
Don't hook up to couriers or cabbies since they probably won't be going
your way. And avoid buses due to frequent stops. You want to save gas,
but you also want to get to work 'today'.
-- Install training wheels on your car and use the rails to travel.
Won't save any gas, but you'll avoid most traffic.
-- Figure out a way to tap into the Internet and siphon off the energy
being generated by our youth in chat rooms and gaming for your car. Why
let it go to waste?
-- Harness the power of the sun. Put solar panels on all surfaces of
your car. Let your car sit in the sun all day to let the batteries power
up. Drive all you want at night. You may have to get a night job for
this to fit in with your lifestyle.
There you have it. Ideas to save you, the consumer, money on gas. While
world leaders sit by twiddling their thumbs and lining their pockets
with Oilco profits, you'll actually be doing something. And get this,
all these ideas are non-taxable! The government gets nothing. Best of
luck to you all.
http://www.geocities.com/witworld &
http://www.witsterblog.blogspot.com
.
|
