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| "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM
SHOWCASE
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February
/ March 2006 Contest Results |
The Husband Who
Takes It Personally When Someone Steals His Luggage Then Returns It
Without Taking Anything
By Lisa Perry, Colorado
My husband,
Michael, and I recently splurged at a luxury hotel in Miami, but, to our
dismay, while checking in we found that one of our bags was gone.
After checking our remaining bags, we found out that the missing bag
contained Michael’s clothes.
We told the concierge, Armand, who immediately notified hotel security.
We went up to our room. As we began to unpack our remaining bags, Armand
knocked at our door and said that security had found our bag. He wanted
Michael to check to make sure everything was there.
I said, “Check to see if that new cashmere sweater I just bought you is
in there.”
“It’s here.”
“How about all your shirts?”
“Yes,” he replied, a little tersely.
“What about that new jacket?”
He stated indignantly, “They didn’t take anything.”
“Michael, why do you sound so upset?”
“I’m beginning to get the picture here.”
Armand and I both looked at him, wondering what he meant.
“It means that my clothes just aren’t good enough for some crook out
there.”
We looked at him in disbelief.
He went on, “It means that my clothes weren’t up to his standards.”
“Mr. Perry, it doesn’t have to mean that at all,” Armand said, trying to
placate him. “Maybe your clothes weren’t his size.”
“A large sweater would fit most people. So don’t tell me that.”
I said, “You don’t have to take this so personally.”
“How would you
feel if your clothes weren’t good enough for some thief? I don’t see how
you wouldn’t take it personally.”
I said, “NO ONE STOLE ANYTHING FROM YOU. THIS IS GOOD.”
“WELL, MY THINGS ARE JUST AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE’S. MY CLOTHES HAVE BEEN
CAST ASIDE AS INFERIOR BY SOME FASHION-CONSCIOUS CROOK.”
Armand said, “Excuse me, but it’s possible that you’re right. Now let me
ask you this, Mr. Perry: have you ever had your color-wheel done? You
know, where you have a professional skin and make-up artist determine
what colors you should wear according to your skin tones? Maybe the
colors on your color-wheel and the colors on the color-wheel of the
thief are different from one another.
Michael pulled me aside and said in a hushed voice, “What is he talking
about?”
I whispered back. “He just said that maybe the thief didn’t like the
color of your clothes.”
Armand said, “You know, according to your skin tones, you should be
wearing warm colors –- like peaches and golds and rich browns. What are
the colors of your clothes?”
“Blues, grays, and blacks,” Michael said defensively.
“Then it’s possible the thief singled you out because of your skin
tones. Then, when he opened your suitcase, he found colors completely
different on the color-wheel than what he expected. So he decided to
return your clothes.”
“What is this wheel you keep talking about?” Michael asked.
“Here, Mr. Perry, I’ll show you my color-wheel,” he said, taking it out
of his suit pocket. “Here are my colors -– which are considered cool
colors, in the blue color family, especially. See how when I hold this
up to my face it complements my skin tones? But now when I hold this
color up to your face, it doesn’t really do much for you. Here, come and
look in the mirror.”
Michael looked in the mirror. “I see what you mean. It makes me look
terrible,” he sounded shocked.
“When I hold up fabric that’s warmer, like this dark peach towel, for
instance, it brings out that natural glow you have.”
Michael said excitedly, “It really does.”
“If you’d like, Mr. Perry, I know a personal color consultant, Sergio. I
could arrange for him to meet with you to do your colors for you.”
“That’d be great. I’ve been thinking that my clothes really don’t do
much for me. You could set it up for me to meet with him?”
“I’d be happy to, Mr. Perry.”
“How soon could you do it?”
“I’ll go call him right now.”
Armand left.
After the door closed I said in disbelief, “Let me get this right. You,
the person who wore a gray shirt, brown pants, black shoes and blue
socks to our engagement dinner, are going to have a personal color
consultation with some guy named Sergio?”
“Why not?”
“It’s just never been your style before now. I’ve picked out a lot of
your clothes and always thought they looked good on you.”
“Honey, why do you always have to take everything so personally?”
http://www.thewomanwhoisalwaystan.com
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