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"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"^TM SHOWCASE

August/September 2005 Contest Results

Enter "America's Funniest Humor"^TM Writing Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!

"Women Can Be Such Pigs!"

By Wayne Scheer, Atlanta, GA
Third-Place Winner, August/September 2005

"The way they stare, undressing me with their eyes. It makes me feel so dirty."

I paused as my wife held me close. "Women can be such pigs!"

"I know, baby. I know," she whispered, trying to calm my wounded pride. "But when a man is as sexy as you..." I felt her hand gliding over my rear end.

"Not now," I said, pulling away. "Can't you just hold me?"

I had just gone to the supermarket to pick up a few things for dinner. Since I guessed Vickie would be home when I returned from the store, I changed into a pair of tan slacks that were her favorite. Something about these pants made my waist seem slimmer ...

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